We never did visualisation today.
My therapist had marked some of my paperwork that I had completed and was very interested in the results – so she spent time discussing that.
The schemas identified this far are
- Mistrust and abuse
- Emotional deprivation
- Social isolation / ailenation
- Insufficient self control
I am only an hour or so out of the session and am ridiculously confused by it all. The assessment is still ongoing and she still has another assessment to mark, so who knows what that will throw up.
I don’t feel that I have the motivation or time available to defeat these thought processes, or in fact if it is even attainable on a one hour a week therapy session. It’s traumatic visiting them on a weekly basis – I feel that I require intense inpatient therapy. I cannot spend years thinking of all the traumas and shit life experiences that I endured in my 40 years.
I need to be in a place where I feel safe, calm and understood and know that I have the support to enable me to get better and to engage in the therapeutic process. Not putting the notes in my bag waiting for the next session in a weeks time.
I understand that there would be additional difficulties if I was to get inpatient care, or even being a Day patient, I would have to deal with the guilt of being away from my family – and the financial burden should this be possible
(Does this fall into the entitlement schema? Who knows).